The Big Day, Today …

Today is one of our big days. We meet with my wife’s surgeon today to discuss the options that she has facing her next.

So many people use that expression, whether they have just had a big day or hope to have a big day sometime in the future. It could mean many things to different people, and it usually has a positive connotation. We spent the weekend and the beginning few days of this week just dealing with the news that we received just last Friday about the cancer that has invaded my wife’s body. We had many ways of dealing with it of course, as most people do, and one of the main stages that we dealt with it at first was with Googlemania, at least I will admit that I did. As a matter of fact, we both had our personal iPads out over the weekend and exploring as much information as we possibly could take in to absorb whatever we could about this horrible disease that comes in so many forms. A word of caution to both of us though, Google brings up many good pieces of information to view, but I found out awfully fast that you really need to look at the URL’s and pick those websites that will provide you with good and meaningful knowledge as you try and understand what is happening. There is also a lot of junk in Google as well, and it is best to try and avoid that. We have spent the last few days reading what we could get our hands on, telling friends and family about this latest event is in our particular lives, going for walks, and doing some talking with each other about what has been, what is now, and what will be. We can deal with the “what has been” and the “what is now” fairly effectively, but it is the “what will be” that we know will be our biggest challenge. We will face that together and deal with it as it comes, together.

When people are dealing with any big event in their lives, they go through stages as they deal with and process the news. Many cancer patients receive their diagnosis and go through the 5 stages of grief as first noted and described in detail by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book on Death and Dying (1969). The stages she describes when people are dealing with tragedy, illness or death are described as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. According to Kübler-Ross, not everybody will experience these stages, and if they do it is also possible that they will not happen in the order given above. I believe the model of the stages are a good tool for understanding and self-reflection, and are one method for trying to deal with the overwhelming fear and uncertainty of any particular situation. There appears to be no “right” stage, and the goal is not to try to move up from one level to the other. Recognizing the patterns in behavior gives one the tools to realize on how to better deal with the fear and frustration. I think I’ll read the book soon.

So, today is one of our “big days.” There will be many more big days that will come forth from this particular situation, as there many big days that will with other life experiences. We will move forward today with some hope that our big day today will give us both the energy and the drive to conquer whatever it is that lies in our path.

Right, my personal trademark quote that is supposed to form the basis of my personal blog … I had originally decided to use a suitable quote that would speak to me personally about our big day, today. I’ve changed that thought now …

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”   –  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I have no doubt where the light comes from with respect to my wife.

Wish us luck on our big day, today. Talk soon …

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6 thoughts on “The Big Day, Today …

  1. Yes today is one of our Big Days, no doubt there will be many more. I am not sure why this path has been chosen for me and will not spend the time or energy on ” Why me? ” or ” How did this happen? ” I have learned that life is full of adversity and I am no different than anyone else. I have a great support team behind me with my husband my # 1 cheerleader, I call him Mr. Pollyanna. We will carry on with this journey One Day at a time.

    • It was a Big Day and is now amongst the pages of many of the other Big Days we have had. And there will be many more to come. Now that the rest of the world knows I am known as “Mr. Pollyanna” to my loving wife, I am sure all of you who have started following will see other tidbits that support this principle in my future blogs. Actually, the name is kind of growing on me!

    • We are and we have been fighting this together since the diagnosis. Just knowing that people such as you are behind us gives us much hope and fuel for the road ahead …

      • And it is a long road ahead, not to be difficult or squish your optimism, but it can feel like a hard, long road at times. That’s when you have to take a break, breathe, count your blessings, put your hands together and just watch the sunshine and the clouds go by for a bit to regenerate your hopes and dreams. That’s when you take others up on their offers for help. Make sure you take care of you though b/c the caregiver has the hardest job. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I”m around if you need anything. I know it’s probably strange since we’re strangers, but when you know what others are enduring, there’s an instant bond which connects you. Hugs to you both.

      • Thanks for your words of encouragement. We both understand the need to look after each other, but to also put ourselves first many times as we move through this. It’s amazing how many times we have heard those exact words regarding taking others up on their offers of help. Brenda has an amazing group of friends who have stepped up in so many ways. Thanks for all the time you have spent on us today … And I look forward to future communications and my readings of your posts as well … 🙂

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